Day 4 – Needs are usually quantifiable and realistic e.g. I need a wife. Wants however are limitless and sometimes far-fetched e.g. I want Angelina Jolie…and Megan Fox…and Mila Jovovich…and I better stop digressing and list my wants properly:
1. Custom-built house: I’ve heard enough ‘expert’ advice from arrogant celebs on MTV Cribs. I want my house to have a driveway the length of a runway like you see at (airports) with my cattle ranch on either side. I want my house to have a wine cellar, a game room and a mini-cinema screening room all in the basement. Swimming pool on the rooftop of course.
2. World Peace: No more war. No more hunger. No more disease. No more Paris Hilton News. No more noisy neighbours. No more generators. No more sirens from government convoys. No more blackberry broadcasts. No more rants from the Crazy Nigerian (hey, wait a second…you don’t really want me to stop, do you?).
3. Special treatment: VIP status at all festivities. I want to be the first choice when it comes to recruitment, fat contracts and sperm donation. When sales people see me I want them to be thinking ‘upgrades’, ‘discounts’, and ‘refunds’. I want to be more pampered than Tom Cruise’s baby. I want P.Diddy’s ex butler. When am I going to get featured on WordPress already?!!
4. Fast broadband: I’ve forgotten the meaning of online-real time. It takes twice as long to open my gmailbox than it does to open a bank account. Paying for your 30-day internet service in Nigeria doesn’t guarantee you can browse for 30 days; it means you can browse for 30mins everyday for 30 days (if you’re lucky). Broadband bombs and Wifi sucks here. Connect me to whatever server President Obama is using.
5. A family of my own: I’m not asking for much. I just want a wife who’s beautiful, smart, funny, high on life (not weed), low on Crazy (and cholesterol) and loves me for me. And don’t forget a bunch of mini me’s!
6. A Top Chef: I want 4 chefs actually: one for breakfast, one for lunch, one for supper, and one for every snack in between. I eat…a lot. When I’m driving to work I’m going to have a chef making my breakfast in the backseat. I want to have a chef feed me a sandwich while I’m in a urinal (okay that’s grosse – next!)
7. Wisdom: I want more wisdom than King Solomon had because I would probably have chosen a better set of Wants. You be the judge