Is there anything wrong with being single? Well, that all depends on your past or current experiences. I’m a single man right now and though I’m enjoying its many benefits (including a lot of ‘ME’ time, low phone bills and raised toilet seats) a number of people have decided to make it their sole purpose on earth to torment me with irritating questions such as: ‘When are you getting married?’ ‘Why aren’t you married?’ ‘Dont you want to get married?’ (Er…don’t you want to poke your nose somewhere else?).
Being single right now is allowing me to reflect on the qualities I desire in my future wife. Age aside, I don’t see the need to rush into marriage. It’s not as if my RTM (Right To Marry) is sitting on some supermarket shelf with an expiration date…or is it? In Lagos, for example, the belief amongst some women is that they have to get married preferably before the age of 30 (and that is probably why you don’t hear women broadcasting their ages after celebrating their 18th birthdays!). Men are rumoured to have it a lot easier but that doesn’t mean I’m going to take a chill pill and cruise into my fifties with nothing but a bowl of nachos in my lap and a cable remote in my hands.
After my last break-up I did some heavy reflection and some months later I threw myself back into the fish market, hoping I could eventually find a ‘sole-mate’ (okay, that really wasn’t necessary but I couldn’t resist the pun). I quickly realized that virtually all my friends were either married, engaged or in the tedious courting stage. I was now part of the minority, ironically. I started getting sick of the predictable and uncreative dinners at my place; the questioning I got from married friends about an ex whenever I made lone appearances; and the lousy excuses I got from married couples each time I called them up for hook-ups and hang outs. Consequently, the only hook-ups and hang-outs I got to do on most weekends was my laundry.
But I like to think that being single and in my thirties isn’t going to pose any future problems e.g. when I compete for a job with an equally matched applicant whose edge is having a heavy wife and 3 kids (adorable pictures primed in the wallet for a sympathy vote). I see beautiful women everyday and it’s not expected that I meet any girl I’m attracted to and hope she’s not in a serious relationship (and also not a lesbian, for my sake). If only they all wore T-shirts which said, ‘Single and Ready to Mingle’ in a foreign language which only I could understand, on a sunny day when most guys were indoors watching football matches - 1 hour is all I’ll need.
And if I ever lose momentum on the dating front I know I have some trusty do-gooders whom are willing to do their bit in saving the endangered singleton species from abject solitude. These good Samaritans include my sisters, my best friend’s wife, my cousins, my colleague and even my boss. In case any of them beat me to it I think it’s only fair to offer them the right to be godparents. Deep in my subconscious though, I want to find my future wife myself with a little help from the big Guy upstairs. I just pray He gives me enough time on earth to do it and make the most of the highly anticipated experience.
*Special Guest blogger KiwiDutch adds:
“Whatever happens in your love life it’s worth remembering one very important thing:
Far better to marry late in life (or even not marry at all) than to be pushed by social convention, desperation or ANY “other* reason than knowing in your heart that this person is “the One”.
I know people are in unhappy marriages or now divorced when it was clear from the start they were either under invisible pressure from family, buying into the “marriage expectation” from peers, wanting a fairytale dream without thinking about the relationship and commitment that goes with it, or just settling for someone because the biological clock was ticking.
They could have saved themselves a lot of pain and heartache.
Don’t settle for second best… if you or the person you later meet, have deep reservations in your hearts then this person isn;t the person for you.
Marriage is wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone who will love you as you love them, someone who gives as well as takes, someone who compliments and completes you as a whole human being, someone who knows your weaknesses inside out and loves you anyway an visa versa.
It’s two way street, it takes effort on both sides, it’s a heavy emotional investment, so invest wisely.
Himself and I will gave clocked up 18 years of marriage next anniversary.
Knowing that you have found your soul mate, your lover, your best friend, and someone you know you build a relationship with that GROWS with the years! is *Well* worth waiting for.
We also met and married later than our peers and are in this for for life.. (first marriage for both of us). and we try and act like that is the case, daily.
Marriage is not about measuring where the starting point was , it’s about a team effort to the finish.
You only get one life.. so try to spend it wisely with someone who really matters.
Don’t EVER confuse Mrs Right with Mrs Perfect because Mrs Perfect doesn’t exist. If you get CORE values to click (honesty. reliability, work ethic, financial ethic, thrust etc) then you will have good foundations to build a marriage on, the “house” of marriage you build on top of that foundation can be a strange mixture of both styles, but your “house” will be structurally stable and has far far less chance of being torn down from within or without.
Finding the right person to build your life with is worth more than gold and they are worth waiting for. (Believe me, when they DO come along, … you WILL know )”
The single life is simply what one makes it to be. So to the happily married couples around the world, please don’t rub it in our faces…especially on Valentine’s Day, thank you.
“Some associate the number ’1′ with being first, Others associate it with being lonely” – The Crazy Nigerian